New Jax Witty: August 2023

Sunday, August 27

Get The Plank Out Your Eye, Neighbor

Nissan Juke parked in front of neighbor's house for six months

My block is parked full of cars on the street. It's a problem. I'm not generally part of the problem because we use our garage and driveway to fit our four cars. I don't like that it's a problem, but I don't tend to say too much, probably because saying too much leads to interactions like the following:

My daughter parked on the street across from our house because my wife was gone and the wife's car gets the garage. I told my daughter to park there for the hour or so it might take for my wife to get home. There are no parking restrictions on our block, and we generally get all the cars in the driveway by bedtime. Anyhow, the neighbor, who I have seen all of five times since I've moved here six years ago, comes out while I'm adding something to the trunk of the car. "You're not planning on parking that car here," (or something to that effect) says my neighbor. "No, my daughter just parked here until my wife comes home with the car," I returned.

That's ok so far. Just a neighborly "don't park in front of my house" interaction. Problem is, I could sense the attitude, and it was really unwarranted. We never park in front of this lady's house. And if we did, it would be quite legal. However, what I knew was illegal (and I never reported) was her broken-down Nissan Juke that sat right there on the street for at least six months.

"I just didn't want it to be one of those cars that sits out in front of my house," she returned, probably thinking I'd agree and move on. But I really couldn't, because she was busting my chops for the one and only time I've parked in front of her house on a public street, when she'd left a car that needed to eventually get towed away sit there in the way of everyone on the block for so long. So I dunked on her with, "It's not like that Nissan Juke that sat there for six months."

"Excuse me!" she said, probably in a bit of disbelief that I knew her car had rotted there for so long. Then she went on about trying to have a nice conversation and that was her car and yada yada. But the fact is that, even if it was her car, if it doesn't move for half a year, it's parked illegally. Realistically, if it doesn't move for a week, that's illegal. Also, she definitely wasn't trying to have a nice conversation, and I learned from another neighbor that she's been leaving notes on people's cars for years who dare to park in front of her house.

So I made the neighbor mad by calling her out, but I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong. Sure, I should have just complained about all the other people on the block parking on the street. Or I could have played dumb and suggested some other neighbor Juked her house for six months. Or I could have just let her grumpy-ass win and moved my car immediately. But she doesn't really deserve that kind of victory.

Because I pay attention, I was able to Dikembe Mutombo her attempted dunk, wag my finger at her, and then tomahawk dunk on her sorry ass. But I know that feels really salty when that happens, so I have to be careful to not get honey poured on any of my vehicles parked in front of her house on public property. And guns, of course.

I'd really like to smooth things over at this point, mostly because I smacked her down so bad. Except I forgot to mention I knew her broken-down Juke was, in fact, broken. In which case she'll (in her own reality) possibly think I was just ripping on her for parking her car there daily. I mean, I guess even working Nissan Jukes are broken down most of the time, but this one definitely did not move for months. She knows that, but her not knowing that I know it might complicate my clear victory. And again, I don't really need a victory. I'd rather have a friendly neighbor, but she didn't seem to want that.

Really, this is all just nonsense. 1st world problems and all. But now there's a grudge, and when I see her again in a year or so, I won't wave or smile or anything, which makes me almost sad.

Saturday, August 12

Who Wrote Florida's Private-party Auto Sales Law?

I guess I'm all for saving paper, but I'm also in favor of saving headaches and hassles. That's why I have to wonder who wrote the laws governing private-party auto sales in Florida. Probably not anyone who has ever sold his own car. My guess would be the auto dealers because selling your own car is more of a headache than it needs to be.

Fine, I'm sure part of the intent of the law was to save paper by encouraging Floridians to house their electronic titles online with the state. The DMV guy told me it was safer that way. I guess, but most people don't break into your home to steal your jewelry and car title. Maybe if you have a really sweet car, but that's not 99% of us. Also, I'm pretty sure the Florida DMV sold my email address to the highest bidder based on junk email I received after I moved here, so there's that.

Fine, I don't have a physical title to my car, but it's mine, and I can sell it whenever I want. Nope. If you opted for the e-title, you need to sell your car at the DMV (tax collector's office). You know, that place you never want to go to. Florida expects you to show up with the buyer and your identifications and do the whole deal right there while in line for several hours. Right there where the counter employee can see how much money really changes hands so that you can be taxed appropriately. I'm sure that's how the legislature passed this law, believing it would cut down on all that tax-evasion by dishonest private-party sellers. And it has, mostly by attrition, as in very few people who have an e-title ever sell their cars in the prescribed manner. I was told by a counter employee that the younger generation is cool with selling cars at the DMV, as they are used to meeting at police stations or mall parking lots to sell their stolen iPads.

I bet Florida WAS a haven for guys buying cars at auctions with their uncles' dealer licenses and then selling the cars under their girlfriends' names. Back when Craigslist still existed. And those guys should have gotten busted, I agree. But most of us just want to have the right to sell our own car on a Sunday to some guy from church who just totaled his car and needs a new one, and with cash that no one should be flashing around the DMV.

Of course, dealers have full access to the electronic system, so the complete and utter inconvenience of completing a private-party vehicle purchase is super-easy at a dealership. It's probably built in to the "Dealer Fee." Let me tell you about Florida dealerships, however. Two sold me cars that would not have passed an inspection (if we did them) and one sold me a new car that was really a demonstrator. And those were all reputable ones. They generally pay wholesale (trade or auction), kick the tires, sell at retail, and then add $1,000 in dealer fees. And they've partnered with the state to ensure buying and selling our own cars is too much of a hassle to bother.

You know, I'd be fine with the system if it also ensured all drivers had insurance, but that's obviously not happening. One dealership did take care of a recall for me before they would hand over the car, so that's one positive, I guess. Also, when my car was totaled, I didn't have to fish around the house for a paper title because insurance companies can apparently also access the e-title -- just not the owner. Yes, you can order your paper title. I don't think it was a significant fee, but I decided against it (again) because I somehow want to believe an electronic title is sufficient. And it probably is for most of us, most of the time.

Anyhow, if you are an impulse seller or like undercutting the government on taxes, then be sure to get the paper version of your title.

Who Do You Know Causing Trouble in Jax? Summer 2023 Edition

I was going through some recent neighbor posts of suspected thefts and other naughty activities, so I figured why not link out to the photos that have been shared so that the faces of those who are innocent until never arrested can be fresh in everyone's mind. Most of these people "probably" stole stuff. Most of them will get away with it. I guess contact JSO if you know who someone is in the photos.