New Jax Witty: February 2023

Saturday, February 18

What Does it Mean to Call Someone a Jackboy?

Maybe this is another local term, like pounding sand or the Devil beating his wife, but I was reading about a young Jacksonville man killed by another when a commenter called one of the two a jackboy. I don't really remember now which (victim or perp), but I'm also not sure it matters. Here's the definition of a jackboy that I found:

a boy (as a stableboy) who does menial work

I think both of the youn men in the article had been in trouble with the law. Or at least they both could have been in trouble, being young and in the wrong neighborhood. But to call them jackboys seemed like a localism I'd never heard elsewhere. Granted, parts of Jacksonville do have horse stables, but I assume when one uses the term for someone involved in a crime, it has nothing to do with the horse-stabling class.

I'm going to assume the term jackboy is akin to low-life or working-class-grunt. I didn't find any evidence it's a racist term, but I suppose it's ageist and classist. Maybe like a deckhand or hired-man on a farm, but I'm still not positive how it applies to a crime scenario.

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Thursday, February 16

Sometimes, It's Not The Neighbor's Cat That Scratches Your Car and Poops on the Roof

In a news story from the Friendliest Hometown in America, I learned that if your car has scratches on it and poop on the roof, you better check surveillance video. While you might suspect the neighbor's large outdoor cat, it's also possible it's some cat you know from work:

Hoopfer identified the man as Powell, “who he recognized from work.” It appeared the damage had taken place at about 10:30 p.m. on Super Bowl Sunday. When questioned by police, Hoopfer theorized that Powell might have been provoked to commit the vandalism “over a girl.”

Under closer inspection of the home security video, the officer noted the man was wearing a white T-shirt and dark pants. The man kicked the driver’s side mirror and scratched the doors before climbing onto the roof of the vehicle, dropping his pants and defecating. After he jumped back to the ground, he again scratched the driver’s side of the vehicle. The officer noted that the man captured on surveillance had a towering presence and that Powell’s driver license information indicated he stands 6 feet, 5 inches tall.

Can you imagine that one? Instead of a large house cat or panther or even crazed alligator, it was a 6' 5"' human scratching and pooping on a car. That must be some girl the two guys are competing for. I suppose she should feel special, unlike the poor car. I'd like to tell the tall pooper dude to just move on and find a new girl in town, but I think the better advice is to move far away, maybe to somewhere that doesn't have internet service (Green Bank, West Virginia), since I'm sure someone has this surveillance video all set to go viral.

I'm sure most of us have gotten drunk at a Super Bowl party, after having also eaten too much. Most of us poop on or near our own toilets (or ones in a 7-11). Maybe we puke on the neighbor's azalea bush or piss on the neighbor's miniature water fountain. But this is next-level drunken debauchery, dropping trou on the roof of a car. On the roof, not the hood or trunk.

I also think it's funny that the police noted he was wearing dark pants and a white t-shirt. Too bad it wasn't a Tom Brady jersey because that's a guy who probably wants to poop on his ex-wife's Ferrari. Or a Wisconsin Badgers Najeh Davenport jersey because that's a guy who did "allegedly" poop in a random girl's dorm room laundry basket (which is not something anyone wants to wake up to).

I guess there was a simpler time, before surveillance cameras, when you could get away with vandalizing all kinds of random or targeted cars, lawn ornaments, houses, and whatnot, without the worry of police critiquing your wardrobe and all of your friends watching you poop atop a car on social media. When you could say, "No, that wasn't us in your alley tossing eggs at your house," and the issue would be resolved, unless a neighbor saw you and wrote down your license plate number. Also, we all still have Covid masks sitting around somewhere, so remember to add that to your late-night-white-t-shirt-and-dark-pants wardrobe.

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Saturday, February 11

Grace Lutheran School in Jacksonville

Grace Lutheran School in Jacksonville, Florida is a private, Christian school that offers a comprehensive education to students from Pre-K through 8th grade. With a focus on academic excellence and spiritual growth, Grace Lutheran School provides a nurturing and supportive environment for students to learn and grow.

At Grace Lutheran School, students receive a well-rounded education that includes a strong curriculum in core subjects such as math, science, history, and English, as well as a robust offering of electives, including music, art, physical education, and Spanish. In addition to academic subjects, the school places a strong emphasis on character development, instilling values such as kindness, respect, and responsibility in its students.

One of the hallmarks of Grace Lutheran School is its commitment to small class sizes and individualized attention. With an average class size of just 20 students, teachers are able to provide each student with the personalized attention they need to succeed. This approach allows teachers to identify the unique strengths and weaknesses of each student and tailor their instruction accordingly, helping students to reach their full potential.

The school’s Christian-based curriculum provides students with a strong foundation in faith, helping to guide and shape their moral and ethical values. Through weekly chapel services, Bible studies, and other spiritual activities, students are able to deepen their relationship with God and learn about the role of faith in their daily lives.

Beyond the classroom, Grace Lutheran School offers a range of extracurricular activities and clubs, including sports teams, music programs, and community service opportunities. These programs provide students with a chance to explore their interests, develop new skills, and make lifelong friendships.

In conclusion, Grace Lutheran School in Jacksonville is a wonderful choice for families seeking a private, Christian education for their children. With a commitment to academic excellence, spiritual growth, and individualized attention, the school provides students with the tools they need to succeed both in the classroom and in life. Whether you are a parent looking for a quality education for your child, or a student looking for a supportive and nurturing environment, Grace Lutheran School is an excellent choice for anyone seeking a well-rounded education.

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Fletcher High School Theater

Fletcher High School in Jacksonville, Florida, has a thriving theater program that has been delighting audiences for many years. The program offers students the opportunity to learn about all aspects of theater, from acting and stagecraft to lighting and sound design. With a dedicated and passionate staff, students are able to gain valuable skills and experiences that will serve them well both in and out of the theater.

At the heart of the theater program at Fletcher High School is a commitment to excellence. The program’s talented directors and instructors work tirelessly to bring the best out of their students, pushing them to reach new heights and develop their craft. Whether it's through an annual play or musical, a student-led performance, or an intensive theater camp, the program is designed to offer a variety of opportunities for students to showcase their talents.

In addition to performing on stage, students in the theater program at Fletcher High School also have the opportunity to learn about the technical aspects of theater. With access to cutting-edge equipment and technology, students can explore the intricacies of lighting, sound, and set design, gaining valuable skills and knowledge that will serve them well in any theater-related career.

One of the most exciting aspects of the theater program at Fletcher High School is the opportunity for students to showcase their talents on a larger stage. Each year, the program produces an annual play or musical, which is performed in front of a live audience. These productions are a testament to the dedication and hard work of the students, and they provide a platform for them to showcase their talents to a wider audience.

In conclusion, the theater program at Fletcher High School in Jacksonville is a thriving and dynamic program that offers students a unique and rewarding educational experience. With a commitment to excellence and a passion for the art of theater, the program provides students with the skills, knowledge, and experience they need to succeed in their future careers. Whether you are a student, parent, or simply a lover of the theater, the Fletcher High School theater program is an excellent resource for anyone interested in exploring the world of theater.

Upcoming and past shows include:

April 19th and 20th, 2024

House of Blue Leaves

April 6th and 7th, 2024

Barefoot in the Park

January 19th and 20th, 2024

Rumours

October 20 and 21, 2023

Twelve Angry Jurors

You may also know this play as Twelve Angry Men