Here's what you do. Drive your best BMW. The one that still has the Illinois vanity plate that reflects how refined you are. Head on over to Gates Gas Station on Moncrief Road. Be sure to drive like a FISH up Moncrief and never mind the railroad tracks. When you get to Gates Gas Station, pull in to ask for directions to the special Bears bar. Say, "So hey there, do yous guys knows where da Bears bar is at?" Keep your doors unlocked because someone might want to get in and help guide you.
If that's a little too complicated for you, I've heard really good things about the Flight 747 Liquor Store & Lounge Bar up by the airport. Lots of jetsetters along with a tangy local flavor. Just like Chicago. Or maybe Rockford. And there's an adjacent motel, just in case you want to stick around and start over at 11am after yet another painful loss and too many Lovies Lemonades.
And remember that when your next ex-QB doesn't work out, Tim Tebow lives in Jacksonville. Just saying.
