New Jax Witty: May 2020

Saturday, May 30

Wanna Get Flamed on NextDoor in Jacksonville? Suggest Masks

A neighbor went to a local ice cream shop where none of the employees were wearing masks, so she posted that she did not order anything and asked if anyone knew the manager. She wasn't really irate or mean-spirited in her post, just saying she was surprised that the business had no mask policy on Mothers' Day, 2020. We learn later in the post that she has a family member who has contracted the virus and another one who works at a hospital, which she mentions after some of the comments.

Let's take a look at some of the responses our neighbor received for asking about the sanitary conditions at a local eatery:

Speak with your wallet and just leave it at that....

This means, of course, don't eat there. Of course, the woman had already said she didn't eat there, but this post basically says don't eat there AND shut your mouth about it.

I don't have a problem with it.

I'm not sure adding this statement adds anything to the discussion. But it's also not mean.

This poor squirrel wasnt wearing a mask in public. Look at what happened to him 😢

One guy decided that a dead squirrel would be a humorous way to ridicule the mask-wearing people, I guess. A few more people commented on the dead squirrel. I assume that the idea here is that masks don't really protect anyone, since cars will still run you over. While it's true that masks can't protect pedestrians on Beach Boulevard, they actually do help to prevent the spread of viruses.

Stay away and keep your family safe so the rest of us can go there and enjoy their delicious ice cream - in peace

I guess this one is meant to say that people who complain make life difficult for the rest of us who want to enjoy our food prepared without masks during a pandemic. It's like when my wife makes me leave the room so that she can watch a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie - in peace.

Living your life in fear will kill you quicker than experiencing life to its fullest. Just sayin.

The logic here is flawed. Yes, if you live every day in debilitating paranoia, that's probably not good for your health. However, the original post didn't seem to come from someone who was living in fear. In fact, she had ventured out on Mothers' Day. I am apprehensive of riding a motorcycle, and I can therefore guaranty you that I will not die while riding one, but it's not like I dwell on NOT riding daily. But I might shake my head when I see someone speeding past me at 100mph on McCormick. And my fear still won't kill me, unless I swerve to miss the crotch rocket and swerve again to miss a squirrel and then again to miss a pedestrian crossing outside of a crosswalk and crash into a tree.

Bottom lines is if anyone disagrees with how someone runs their business.... just don’t go That simple . America is about personal freedom and the right to choose. Consequences be what they are

Good, a bottom line for all of us to learn from. The problem with this reasoning is that during an outbreak, we are all kind of responsible to each other. It's not the same thing as whether or not a business owner comes out against homosexuality or in favor of gun control. I've seen all the virus outbreak, zombie apocalypse movies, and high school health class videos, so I am an authority on the spread of disease.

Then don’t go there!!! Stay home and don’t go out. This whole thing is BS trying till kill our economy..

I am not sure who really wants to kill the economy. I guess the mindset would be that Demoncrats will win in elections if they can prove the president didn't take the virus seriously. However, that also would mean that any country with liberals in power (and also experiencing the pandemic) will also decide to vote against the party in power. I can see this kind of tactic working in North Korea, maybe, where there's no outside news. Even if you believe that this is nothing more than the flu, then it's the flu in every country on earth, and I don't think that every opposition party in every country really wants to ruin the global economy in order to win elections.

You all make me sick. Keyboard warriors; with your nose so far in everyone's business and trying to cry to someone and get your way and have things changed to how you want them...then disguise it by saying you're trying to save the world and be the bigger person. Good lord-get a hobby

I wish that I had more hobbies right now. I'm stuck reading NextDoor posts for entertainment. The point here is that the folks who wear masks are trying to both getting in other people's business (to NOT wear masks) and crying to get their way. These people, apparently, simply love masks. I have worn a mask for several hours in a row, so I can attest that no one loves wearing them. I don't like the way they make me feel or the way they make other people look. I freaking hate masks, but I'm willing to wear mine in order to protect others and myself. I don't want there to be universal mask laws forever, and even if that was proven to be the best course of action, I still would not like it.

You really think a mask makes ANY difference at all?

This comment led into a debate about science. If you are dumb enough to ask this question, then I just shake my head in your general direction. Even really stupid people can admit that masks do, in fact, make a difference when it comes to the transmission of a virus. Masks are not 100% effective, and there's some truth to the notion that people become overconfident, but even most flat-earthers and climate-change-deniers will agree that a face covering makes a difference. For those of you on the fence, consider the purpose of the masks I own--I bought them when I refinished my wood floors to keep dust particles out of my nose and mouth. Even though you can't see a virus, and it's smaller than wood dust, the principal is the same. Even if ALL masks do is keep us from touching our own mouths and noses, that's still something.

You don’t have to eat there. They can do what they want

This comment is probably fairly consistent with the general mindset in Jax. Consider this, however: government (even for the most conservative people) has public safety as one of its core responsibilities. Police, firefighters, paramedics, disaster relief, etc. We don't need government to dictate how we live generally, but a pandemic qualifies as one of those moments when we as individuals should probably pay attention. So during that time, if the government says that people serving food must wear masks, then that should be what those people do. However, since our government response has been a patchwork of rules and exceptions, I myself do not know if this ice cream shop was or was not following either rules or even guidance by the entity with our safety as its main tenant. If there were no restrictions, then it does become a simple case of eating where you feel comfortable.

Everything on here turns into a controversial post. this app is called next door and I'm glad I don't live next door to a lot of you. Most of you never have anything nice to say at all... You're just mean and cowardly

I just liked this post, even if it's not really targeting one side or the other. We've gotten so used to trolling on news sites and responding to famous people on Twitter or even distant relatives on Facebook that we forget that those are real people. NextDoor is an app that shows real names and probably even addresses, and a lot of people treat it as if they are flaming a Politico article. Forget about the neighbor dog crapping on your lawn when you can see what he thinks about wearing face masks on NextDoor. And also forget about discussing real ideas with one another over a beer.

In case you were wondering, the ice cream place is Bruster's on Atlantic. I went there with my family about a week after these posts, and the 20-or-so teens inside were definitely not wearing masks. We still ordered ice cream and social distanced. I told my wife that all the kids working there are probably making out with each other after work, so it's not like face masks are going to stop the spread of Covid-19 (or herpes) among the crew. The situation did make us uncomfortable, and I commend the original NextDoor writer for taking a stand and leaving, but we had also not had any decent ice cream in two months, so we went for it. If you want to support or boycott Bruster's for political reasons, feel free. As for me, I'm just hoping my ice cream didn't come with a topping of Coronavirus. Or herpes.

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Tuesday, May 26

Rosa Parks Homeless Park?

Rosa Parks Homeless Park

I've driven past the Rosa Parks Transit Station several times since it closed, and I noticed that quite a few homeless individuals line the streets nearby. Since a bus terminal is an eyesore already, and this one is just fenced off, I was wondering if maybe we'd be better off just combining two eyesores into one, making the Rosa Parks Homeless Park out of the bus station.

Wednesday, May 20

A Month Later, Still No Federal Unemployment in Florida

florida unemployment broken a month later

I quit a job as a teacher just before Covid-19 hit because I figured I couldn't stay safe in the classroom with my rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis (and all the meds I was taking to suppress my immune system). Of course, that was two weeks before schools closed for the year. Oh well, not a big deal, right? Even if I don't technically qualify for Florida's rinky-dink unemployment, at least I'd be getting the $600 from the federal government to help cover the Lyft and Uber rides I was not taking to avoid getting and spreading the virus. After trying hundreds of times, I sent my unemployment form in the mail. A month later, I got an email telling me to log into the same broken-down Connect system in order to submit myself to more torture, since it's still broken-down as of May 20th.

Wednesday, May 13

Profiles in Courage: Too Cool Cal From California

I picked up this guy from California who mostly just coughed his way through the ride, so I didn't get to know him real well. I am sure that's for the best. I like to have a positive opinion of my riders, if at all possible, but you know how first impressions go. It's sad when you end up with a lasting negative impression of someone, but I think some people try really hard to make sure that's exactly what you get. And it was more than just a little coughing (actually, a lot of coughing) that caused my impression, albeit not that much more.

I suppose this guy probably has a chip on his shoulder about something. Since he told me he was a truck mechanic, I assume he probably went to work doing that rather than going to college. And there's nothing wrong with that, but maybe some people have made him feel inferior because of it, and that's why he wants to portray himself as someone to be reckoned with. Like I said, he barely said two words to me, but what he did say was plenty.

As we were in the Avenues Mall parking lot, he slathered himself in cologne. He apologized for doing it and causing my car to smell like a pheromone factory, but he said the ladies liked it. "And I gotta get some booty," he added. So this guy was heading to the mall, where teenagers and young moms hang out, and that's when he decides to pull out the big guns. Pitbull Man, perhaps. Then again, he was a little older than he was pretending to be, so maybe he was still rockin the Axe body spray. Apparently, body and auto interior spray.

So Too Cool Cal was going to the mall to look for some beautiful babies because the high schools were closed, apparently. And I can respect his game, since all the bars and libraries are closed, so the mall probably does become the best place to cruise for hotties. So far, he's not really all that bad, I guess. Probably most guys on a two-day vacay to Jacksonville are crawling the malls for some bootay. I assume he didn't know about the Town Center, and I'm glad I didn't suggest it earlier in the conversation, before he'd divulged his intentions to cruise for teenagers at The Avenues.

Anyhow, Too Cool Cal was kind of an amoral sleazeball, but he's was just representin his home state. I know, I know, this is Florida. But people here are at least a little nicer about their lack of moral judgement, and they probably say "I appreciate it" as they carjack you. And "Yes, Sir," if you ask if you're being carjacked. Too Cool Cal, on the other hand, decided to tell me a little story as he left the vehicle to comb the food court for tasty treats, letting me know that it's great to be on vacation and to be rich, as he'd recently sold his business to a family member for $400,000. I told him that was great, and I'm sure it's the line he uses to get all the babes (in case the Pitbull perfume doesn't do the trick). The problem is that I wasn't looking for a one-night stand with Too Cool Cal, so telling me he's taking a vacation with $400,000 only means that he's declaring himself the winner in a pissing contest that started at the moment he told me about his happiness. Obviously, a Lyft driver isn't going to compete with that, with my main asset depreciating as fast as the money I make using it for rides.

The lesson here, for those who are as socially dimwitted as Too Cool Cal, is that you should not degrade women (or chase teenagers) as objects, even if you think your driver is your brah. And you shouldn't brag about all your money, even if you are planning on giving that driver a decent tip. In this particular case, Cal didn't send a tip my way, which makes him look even smaller. He said it was good I had the AC running because other drivers did not, he used my usb charger for his device, and I even went to the trouble of asking someone where the best entrance to the mall would be for him. Actually, I only heard about his getting teen booty and newfound fortune because I went to the extra effort of not dropping him off at the first set of doors, from whence he would have had to have walked about 1/4 mile to the open doors. Just remember that everyone out there is forming opinions of you when they meet you. This guy just annoyed me with his annoying confidence, probably based in reality, but still annoying, especially when he thinks all I wanted from him was to bask in his second-hand coolness. Not good enough, Brah.

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Getting Accepted to Every College

When I saw the article about a local Jacksonville student getting accepted to all the Ivy League colleges, I assumed he was a very good student who lacked some direction or guidance. Heck, I applied to at least two colleges back in the day, just to have a back up. And I probably should have made it a third, since I did end up going to a local commuter college rather than one where I could play football and be a big man on campus. So I kind of understand applying to several universities, just in case something doesn't work out. If your goal is to attend an Ivy League school, and it really doesn't matter which one, then I guess applying to all of them is a good idea. Then it's just a bonus if you get accepted to all of them, and you can spend a little more time deciding. I am sure there are plenty of stories of students who have applied to every Ivy League college and not gotten into ANY of them. Sure, no one really wants Cornell when you could have Harvard, Princeton, or Yale, but it's probably an OK backup plan.

Sunday, May 10

Mountain Style Home in Jacksonville?

lot to build mountain home jacksonville fl

I was surprised to see a vacant lot for sale about a mile away from my house because it's in a neighborhood with homes built in the 1990s. What was even more surprising, however, was the description that began with:

Great opportunity to build a mountain style home on this attractive lot.

Saturday, May 2

Watch Out For Local Truck For Sale Scam

I was talking to someone who was admiring my new vehicle. In the conversation, she told me she had nearly been scammed out of $800 in a deal for a truck that was too good to be true. Luckily, she pulled the plug on the deal because she discussed it with others who helped her to see the truth. I started thinking that there are likely a lot of people who are social distancing and not able to ask friends for advice, making them more susceptible to scams. Let's take a look at how this truck scam works.

Friday, May 1

Drunken Army Vet With a Bad Attitude Tests My Patience

Sometimes, you can't really win, so it's best just to play along. I got a Lyft ride call recently for a guy, we'll call him G.I. Joe, who called almost as soon as I accepted the ride. He started complaining about how he'd been dropped off and was waiting at a bus stop. I told him I just got the call, so it wasn't really my fault. When I got to the bus stop, he was smoking a cigarette and drinking booze out of a tumbler. Luckily, he threw out the cigarette and got in, but he didn't have to tell me (though he did) that he was blind drunk at noon.